Words That Don’t Exist, But Really Should

AQUADEXTROUS – Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

CARPERPETUATION – The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT – To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

ELBONICS – The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.

FRUST – The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

PEPPIER – The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PHONESIA – The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS – The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION – The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.