Cross-Eyed Bull

Bubba has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.

The vet says, “I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls’ eyes will straighten out.”

Ventriloquist Cowboy

A ventriloquist cowboy took a walk in the country and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.

Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

Rancher: This dog don’t talk!

Tragic Crash

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

Friendly Pig

A man was on holiday in a foreign countryside. While on a long walk down the country road he became very thirsty and knocked on the door of the nearest house for something to drink.

Big Brands

This Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in Wyoming.

“So, what did you name the ranch?” asked his best friend when he flew out to visit.

Billions of Babies

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife goes into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor is called out to assist in the delivery.

Upset Pa

A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagon load of corn. A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I’ll help you pick the wagon up later.”

Rancher’s Wife

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Slow Down

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.”

The Newlyweds

A young farmer couple got married, and they just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they made love, and when the husband returned home at evening they had another go — both before and after supper, and then again a few more times during the night.

Written Words

Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter and the other had a son. When their kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farners encouraged it. But, one day the girl’s father went over to the other farmer’s house and said that he didn’t want their children dating anymore.

Tricking the Bull

At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, “That new bull nearly did me in today, partner.”

“Oh yeah, what happened?”

A Pig Story

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

The Birds, The Bees and The Cow

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.

Three Kicks Law

Jonnie Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked Mr. Cochran what he was doing on his property.

Skinny Dippers

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

Cautious Old Lady

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

Do Me a Service?

Mantle, with several friends, was out looking for a place to hunt. They pulled into a farmer’s yard, and Mantle got out and went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.

Some Things You Can’t Explain

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”

The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Chicken and Egg

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.