A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.
“I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidently picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.” Read the rest of this entry »
Bubba has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.
The vet says, “I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls’ eyes will straighten out.” Read the rest of this entry »
A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”
“What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired. Read the rest of this entry »
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc I have a problem. I think of sex all the time.” Read the rest of this entry »
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. Read the rest of this entry »
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife goes into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor is called out to assist in the delivery. Read the rest of this entry »
A flat-chested young lady went to a popular surgeon known for “no scars” about enlarging her breasts. Read the rest of this entry »
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
Did you hear about the man who called the doctor and said excitedly, “My pregnant wife’s contractions are only two minutes apart!”
The doctor asked, “Is this her first child?”
“No, you idiot! ” exclaimed the man. “This is her husband.”
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. Read the rest of this entry »
A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and, liking the warm tropical weather, settled down for a day’s sunbathing. He fell asleep, and after a whole day his legs became sunburned beyond belief. Read the rest of this entry »
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor’s office. “We have come for an examination” said the young girl. Read the rest of this entry »
A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. Read the rest of this entry »
A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. Read the rest of this entry »
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?” Read the rest of this entry »
A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem you see, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh.” Read the rest of this entry »
This sounds a lot like an urban myth, but my brother-in-law tells me that this happened to the wife of someone he works with. I must admit that I’m a bit skeptical but its certainly worth a chuckle. Read the rest of this entry »
As the manager of our hospital’s softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.
When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.
“Look, honey,” one man said to his wife. “Here comes your anesthesiologist.”
A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn’t seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems. Read the rest of this entry »
Bob went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under … you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” Read the rest of this entry »
Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. Anyway there was this young nurse. Everytime she came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say in a patronising tone of voice “And how are we doing this morning?” Read the rest of this entry »
An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” Read the rest of this entry »
A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. Read the rest of this entry »
The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, “You aren’t that good in bed either!” Read the rest of this entry »
Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. Read the rest of this entry »
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it … don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Read the rest of this entry »
What do u call a black priest?
– Holy shit!!
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated, and nothing seems to help!”
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.” Read the rest of this entry »
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, “How much do I owe you?”
“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician. Read the rest of this entry »
What happened to a Brighton Beach prostitute who had an appendectomy performed by a Soviet emigre surgeon?
– He sewed up the wrong hole, so now she’s making money on the side.
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
“Why are you crying?” Bob asked. Read the rest of this entry »
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. Read the rest of this entry »
On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha girl. Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his manhood. He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation. Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Read the rest of this entry »
A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. He decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation,he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do. Read the rest of this entry »
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