Choco Nuts

A man was visiting his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Coming Honey

Two middle aged women were crying dullness in life. One says to another, “I can’t believe what my life has come to.”

Blow-up Whores

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail.

She’s in a Romantic Mood

An older couple were lying in bed after an evening celebrating there 50th Wedding Anniversary. The husband was falling asleep,but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

Three Old Men

Three old men are in a retirement home. They were a somewhat grumpy bunch, as old men are prone to become, and after several years of living in the retirement home, they had come accustomed to spending the day complaining about everything from the weather to the odd smell of their respective nurses. On this particular day, they begin a graphic complaint session about their excretion processes.

Old is When …

Old is when your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”

Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

Old is when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

Old is when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

Old Fart

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

True Confession

A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice.”

Disability Proof

A man walked out of the Social Security Office smiling. “Honey, I finally convinced them I’m old enough to collect Social Security, even though I don’t have a birth certificate.”

In the Museum

Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said. “My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?”

I Said What I Said

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”

Change Sides

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cuts a fart and says, “Seven points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”

Old Man and Cinema

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

Juice Filter

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. Anyway there was this young nurse. Everytime she came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say in a patronising tone of voice “And how are we doing this morning?”

Cautious Old Lady

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

Short-term Memory Loss

Three ladies are chatting about growing old.