An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences – no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. Read the rest of this entry »
One day a fifth-grade teacher asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names. First up was Dan – a very adventurous child. Read the rest of this entry »
Advice to overweight sailors: ABANDON CHIP!!!
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just spent energy. Read the rest of this entry »
A blonde, goes into a drugstore, walks over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk “I need to buy some deodorant for my husband.”
“Does he use the ball kind?” inquired the clerk.
“No,” replied the blonde, “The kind for under his arms.”
An Irishman’s wife is having a baby so he rushes her to the hospital. After a long wait and a tough delivery about 3 AM in which the doctor had to use forceps the baby is finally born.
The Irishman looks at the baby and says, “Yeah that’s my boy. That’s the way an Irishman is supposed to look at three in the morning.”
The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter.
One nervous blonde pulled off her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards.
“Turn over, Cindy,” whispered the girl lying beside her. “This is a stick-up, not an office party!”
A blonde goes into a telegram office to send a message to her mother who is visiting relatives overseas. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, “I don’t have any money, but I would do anything to get a message to my mother.” Read the rest of this entry »
Recently I received a warning about the use of the above politically incorrect term. Please note: we all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words. Read the rest of this entry »
One day, several blondes went and had a meeting in a small building because they were fed up with everyone calling them dumb. The person who was hosting the meeting was not blonde. The blondes said to the host “We’re tired of being called dumb and we want to prove that were are not.” Read the rest of this entry »
During his recent visit to the UK, Mikhail Gorbachev was taken on a tour of a typical British factory by the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher. The tour started at 9:00 AM and the factory was just starting to fill with employees. Read the rest of this entry »
Alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition. Read the rest of this entry »
A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
“Yoohoo” she shouts, “how can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, “You are already on the other side.”
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, Read the rest of this entry »
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, “Say It With Flowers.” Read the rest of this entry »
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch, when one of them says, “I know that I’m going to have a boy.” Read the rest of this entry »
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, “You know, Benny’s a walking economy.”
His friend replies, “How so?”
“His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting him into a deep depression.”
An Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.
The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this co-operative venture is taking place, and that he never expected the English to go to such trouble to be united to the mainland of Europe.
“Oh that’s nothing,” says the Englishman, “You should have seen the trouble we had digging the Channel in the first place!”
Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing about what kind of tracks they were. Read the rest of this entry »
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at ‘Mom’ and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. Read the rest of this entry »
A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, “Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names – Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?” Read the rest of this entry »
One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street so the snowplows can get through.” Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car. Read the rest of this entry »
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. Read the rest of this entry »
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. “Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant,” the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.
“But I always buy it here,” the blonde says. “I bought one last month”. Read the rest of this entry »
Passionate kiss like spider’s web — soon lead to undoing of fly. Read the rest of this entry »
A guy goes into a store and asks the clerk, “I want some Polish sausage.”
The clerk takes a long look at him. “Are you Polish?” Read the rest of this entry »
Every day of their vacation, these two guys rented a boat and fished. One day they caught thirty fish. Joe said, “Moe, mark this spot so that we can come back here tomorrow!” Read the rest of this entry »
Jesus loves you … everyone else thinks you’re an ass. Read the rest of this entry »
Joe and John were twin brothers. John’s wife died the same day that Joe’s boat sank. Read the rest of this entry »
A blond left her car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over she checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. She went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the problem. Read the rest of this entry »
Three Jews and three Muslims are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three Muslims each buy a ticket and watch as the three Jews buy just one ticket.
“How are the three of you going to travel on one ticket?” asks one of the Muslims. “Watch and learn,” answers one of the Jews. Read the rest of this entry »
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