Elephant Scare

A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tinypieces and throwing them out the window.

“Excuse me,” said the woman sitting next to him. “But, would you mind explaining why you’re doing this?”

Another Thirsty Horse

This guy rides into town on his horse and heads straight for the saloon. He goes to the bartender, hands him a pail, and says, “I’d like a martini that’ll fill this bucket.”

The bartender says, “You could never drink a martini that size!”

Beer Contains Female Hormones

Warning: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

Ten Pints

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”