Turbulent Flight

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco, a passenger noticed that, although the flight was a particularly smooth one, the ‘Fasten Seat Belts’ sign stayed illuminated throughout the entire trip. Just before landing, he asked the flight attendant about it.

Aircraft Maintenance ‘Gripe Sheets’

These aircraft maintenance comments are allegedly from ‘gripe sheets’ or ‘squawk reports’ which contain pilots’ reports of aircraft technical problems and the responses from maintenance engineers. These amusing communications illustrate the implications of using vague language, as well as the age-old potential for conflict and confusion between operational departments and functions, and the long-suffering tolerance of service and maintenance staff in support of operational personnel found in all industries.

The Stewed Parrot

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, “And why don’t you get me a whiskey you bitch.”

Computerized Airliner

The world’s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.

Sniffer

A man is sitting next to the window in an airliner, which is about to take off, when another man with a Labrador Retriever sits down in the two empty seats alongside him. The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.

Missing Baggage

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.

“Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”

Santa’s Checkride

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.

Blind Pilots

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.