Cow from Illinois

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

You’re Gonna Feel Smart

How do these people survive? Believe me, they’re out there … more than we know about. So watch your orders, your change, etc.

Bad Stomach Complaint

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

Doctor’s Orders

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it,”He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Red Ears

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.

“I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidently picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”

Cross-Eyed Bull

Bubba has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.

The vet says, “I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls’ eyes will straighten out.”

Therapy for Self-Esteem

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”

“What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired.

Dirty Pictures

This guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc I have a problem. I think of sex all the time.”

Tonsils

A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmates that he’ll be gone for a while to have a surgery.

On the day he was admitted his mother asked the doctor if would please circumcise the boy, since he’s already going to be under anesthesia. The doctor complied.

No Milk

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.