Two Stranded Lawyers

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, “Wow. I can’t believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction.”

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, “I think you’re hallucinating and you should come down right now.”

Guess the Profession

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

Legal Entrance to Heaven

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. “Hello mate,” says St. Peter, “I’m sorry, no lawyers in heaven.”

“What?” exclaims the man, astonished.

Cleaners and Lawyers

What’s the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer?

If the dry cleaner loses your suit, he’ll pay you. If the lawyer loses your suit, you’ll still get taken to the cleaners.

Anytime You Are Ready

A man walked into a tavern and sat next to a very attractive, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. “Hi there, Good Looking. How’s it going?” he asked.

Lawyer in an Accident

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A lawyer, passing by, wanted to grab this possibility of getting a new client. However, try as he might, he could not get near the car because of the crowd.

Three Kicks Law

Jonnie Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked Mr. Cochran what he was doing on his property.

Big Time Lawyer

After successfully passing the bar exam, a man opened his own law office. He was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him. “Show him right in!” our lawyer replied.

Charity Begins at Home

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer, so a volunteer was sent to solicit his donation. “Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community through The United Way.”

Lawyer’s Dilemma

A woman walks into a law firm and asks to see one of the attorneys. She explains to him that she would like to put the firm on retainer and after a brief discussion they agree that she will begin by paying the firm $500.