Nude Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”

Wanted at the Zoo

When I was a kid I said to my Father one afternoon, “Will you take me to the zoo?”

He answered, “If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.”

– Jerry Lewis

The New Driver

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

An Occupation in Other Words

A woman, renewing her driver’s license at the County Clerk’s office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

“What I mean is,” explained the recorder, “do you have a job or are you just a… ?”

Mom’s Answering Machine

Hello- This is your Mother!

If you want my advice: PRESS 1

Cup of Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe two-and-a-half years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

The Phone Call

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.

Disgracing the Family

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the gramdmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.”

The Breakup

A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother’s advice about returning the gifts he’d given her. Without a pause, her Mother replied,

“Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons.”

What’s the Difference?

A little girl and and a little boy are arguing about differences between the sexes, he arguing that boys are inherently better and she that girls are. The subject, of course, spills over into the personal realm, so that the real issue is which of the two children is superior.