Letter to the Management

Dear Sir,

I hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  1. I do physical labor.
  2. I work at great depths.
  3. I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
  4. I do not get weekends off or public holidays.
  5. I work in a damp environment.
  6. I don’t get paid overtime.
  7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
  8. I work in high temperatures.
  9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Signed,

The Penis


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

  1. You never work 8 hours straight.
  2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
  3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
  4. You do not stay in your allocated position and often attempt to visit other areas.
  5. You rarely take the initiative; you need to be pressured to start working.
  6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
  7. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing proper protective clothing.
  8. You’ll retire well before reaching 65.
  9. You’re unable to work double shifts.
  10. You sometimes leave your allocated position before the job is done.
  11. You have been seen entering and leaving the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

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