Category Archives: Law and Order

The Rookie

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. Continue reading

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The Parking Ticket

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Bev my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. Continue reading

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Two Stranded Lawyers

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, “Wow. I can’t believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction.”

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, “I think you’re hallucinating and you should come down right now.” Continue reading

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English Hospitality

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences – no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. Continue reading

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Doctor’s Orders

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it,”He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Continue reading

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Witness at the Stand

With the blonde on the witness stand the attorney opened his questioning. “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

“Objection! Irrelevant!” cried the other lawyer. Continue reading

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Necrophilia

A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia — (making love to a dead woman).

The judge told him, “In 20 years on the bench, I’ve never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn’t lock you up and throw away the key!” Continue reading

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The Conductor

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Continue reading

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Guess the Profession

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. Continue reading

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911 Calls – Breathing Problems

Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn … I think I’m going to pass out. Continue reading

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