Category Archives: Modern Times

Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment and turned on the switch. Everything was automatic and he soon realized that the equipment provided him with more pleasure than his wife did.
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Everything Has a Gender

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender… Continue reading

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Proper Care and Usage of Diskettes

Note: This is a pretty old joke. I man who uses a diskette nowadays? A similar joke about CDs — now, that would be interesting. Continue reading

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A CD Player

While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, “What does ‘hybrid pulse D/A converter’ mean?”
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Who Wants to be a Millionaire

A married couple was watching the show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” At the end of the show, the man said to his wife, “I think we will have an early night.”

She answered, “Okay, but when I get to bed I am going straight to sleep.” Continue reading

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The Way Engineers Think

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Continue reading

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Bill “Pearly” Gates

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They’re up in heaven, and God’s sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. “Al, what do you believe in?”

Al replied, “well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die.” Continue reading

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Accident Reports

Many have experienced the confusion of traffic accidents and have had to summerize correctly what happened in a few words or less on insurance or accident forms. The following quotes were taken from those forms and were eventually published in the Toronto SunPaper. Continue reading

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Beer and Ice-cream Diet

As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat. Continue reading

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Clueless Telemarketers

I just got another one of those sales calls – this time from the cable company which of course has no clue that I’ve been on the directly-connected Internet since eons before cable companies could even spell “Internet” and they wouldn’t themselves have even been allowed to connect their commercial services (remember when you had to swear to the NSFnet non-commercial-use agreement plus get two high-profile NetAdmins to support that you’re a good guy and would never use it for non-technical traffic?) – ah how nice it was back in the Good ‘Ole Days! Continue reading

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