Tag Archives: animal

The Smell

A man and his wife were driving home one cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?” Continue reading

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Cow from Illinois

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. Continue reading

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Undercolors

Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.

One day, they heard, “yellow, blue, black.”

Continue reading

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Another Thirsty Horse

This guy rides into town on his horse and heads straight for the saloon. He goes to the bartender, hands him a pail, and says, “I’d like a martini that’ll fill this bucket.”

The bartender says, “You could never drink a martini that size!” Continue reading

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Bad People Manners

“I think your dog likes me, Doris. He hasn’t taken his eyes off me all night.”

“That’s because you are eating off his plate.”

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The Stewed Parrot

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, “And why don’t you get me a whiskey you bitch.” Continue reading

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At the Stables

Some race horses are holed in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”

Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!” Continue reading

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Ventriloquist Cowboy

A ventriloquist cowboy took a walk in the country and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.

Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

Rancher: This dog don’t talk! Continue reading

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Dancing Duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.

The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Continue reading

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Cat Vote

I am definitely against giving cats the vote or letting them have driver’s licenses. Especially undocumented ones. And these days an election can be won by a whisker.

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