Tag Archives: office

Horoscope for the Workplace

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out… Continue reading

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I Want to Speak with My Boss

A guy phones up his boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead.

“I’m afraid he died last week.” she explains. Continue reading

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You’re Gonna Feel Smart

How do these people survive? Believe me, they’re out there … more than we know about. So watch your orders, your change, etc. Continue reading

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Why I Fired my Secretary

I woke up early feeling a little depressed, because it was my birthday and I thought, “another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy Birthday, dear.” Continue reading

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Manager’s Wish

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Miami for a two-week period helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. Continue reading

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Oh No! The Computer is Down

I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor. “This computer has flat-lined,” a co-worker called out with mock horror.

“Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?”

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Nine Rules of Work-Life Balance

Rule 1: Live to relax!

Rule 2: Love your bed, it is your temple! Continue reading

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Administratium

Investigators at a major U.S. research university recently discovered the heaviest element known to science. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. Continue reading

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Protocol of Work

If it rings, put it on hold.
If it clanks, call the repairman.
If it whistles, ignore it.
If it’s a friend, take a break.
If it’s the boss, look busy.
If it talks, take notes.
If it’s handwritten, type it.
If it’s typed, copy it.
If it’s copied, file it.
If it’s Friday, forget it!

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Life After Death

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes sir,” the new employee replied.

“Well then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she dropped by to see you.”

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