Proper Care and Usage of Diskettes

Note: This is a pretty old joke. I man who uses a diskette nowadays? A similar joke about CDs — now, that would be interesting.

A CD Player

While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, “What does ‘hybrid pulse D/A converter’ mean?”

Clueless Telemarketers

I just got another one of those sales calls – this time from the cable company which of course has no clue that I’ve been on the directly-connected Internet since eons before cable companies could even spell “Internet” and they wouldn’t themselves have even been allowed to connect their commercial services (remember when you had to swear to the NSFnet non-commercial-use agreement plus get two high-profile NetAdmins to support that you’re a good guy and would never use it for non-technical traffic?) – ah how nice it was back in the Good ‘Ole Days!

Oh No! The Computer is Down

I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor. “This computer has flat-lined,” a co-worker called out with mock horror.

“Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?”

End of Days

George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates were called in by God to heaven one day.

“I am appalled at the way that humankind have degenerated and the world trashed since the days of Adam,” He thundered. “I have called you here because you represent the most powerful and important people on earth today. Here is the ultimatum: clean up the world in three days and form a better society, or I will destroy the world!”

Strings at the Bar

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

Godless, Devil-Worshipping, Evil Computers

The following is a true story.

Last week I walked into a local “home style cookin’ restaurant/watering hole” to pick up a take out order. I spoke briefly to the waitress behind the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few minutes.

Defunct Keyboard

Yet another conversation between customer and tech-support:

Selecting a Programming Language

With such a large selection of programming languages it can be difficult to choose one for a particular project. Reading the manuals to evaluate the languages is a time consuming process. On the other hand, most people already have a fairly good idea of how various automobiles compare. So in order to assist those trying to choose a language, we have prepared a chart that matches programming languages with comparable automobiles.

Accident

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.