Witness at the Stand

With the blonde on the witness stand the attorney opened his questioning. “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

“Objection! Irrelevant!” cried the other lawyer.

Necrophilia

A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia — (making love to a dead woman).

The judge told him, “In 20 years on the bench, I’ve never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn’t lock you up and throw away the key!”

How Do You Plead?

Guilty or not guilty – you be the judge.

Marriage Problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

Limited Vocabulary

“Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What’s more, he only speaks a few words of English.”

The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?”

The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!”

Believe in Prayers

In a small Texas town, Drummond’s bar began construction on a new building to increase their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

Pregnant Signs

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.

Bribes

A meek little man was hauled into court and stood shamefully before the judge, who asked him to explain the situation.

Best Friend with Wife

It seems that a man was brought to criminal cort for the murder of his wife.

Punishment

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you steal?”

She replied, “A can of peaches.”