A man and his wife were driving home one cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?” Continue reading
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I’ve noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization. For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement.
“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
Is everybody clear on that?
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said “You’re pulling my leg.”
A young couple in love finally got all approvals and set their wedding date. The frisky bride-to-be cuddles up to her fiancee and said, “Darling, you know I want to fulfill this fantasy of mine to make love before we get married. Could we?”
AQUADEXTROUS – Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.
CARPERPETUATION – The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. Continue reading
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender… Continue reading
A married couple was watching the show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” At the end of the show, the man said to his wife, “I think we will have an early night.”
She answered, “Okay, but when I get to bed I am going straight to sleep.” Continue reading
Notice on a public bus Florida.
“When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.”
“If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”
A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Continue reading
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: Continue reading
The Funny Planet 