Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out… Continue reading
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. Continue reading
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell!”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
A man and his wife were driving home one cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?” Continue reading
Did you hear about the war between the polocks and the niggers?
The polocks were throwin firecrackers at the niggers, so the niggers were pickin em up and lightin em and throwin em back.
Deep, deep inside 10 Downing Street…
PM: I’m sick to death of all the negativity around Iraq. It’s all bad, bad, bad. Never. Do we read any of the good news. I mean. We’ve got rid of an awful dictator. We made him put his weapons of destruction so far out of reach it was like they never existed.
Drone1: What are you saying, Tony?
PM: I’m saying that it’s time we put across the good news from Iraq. Let’s take the initiative for once. No more reacting to bad news defensively. Continue reading
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Bev my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. Continue reading
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I’ve noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization. For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement.
“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
Is everybody clear on that?
Where are my virgins,
Why is it so dark in here?
Allah, let me out!
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said “You’re pulling my leg.”
The Funny Planet 