The Big Fight

Did you hear about the war between the polocks and the niggers?

The polocks were throwin firecrackers at the niggers, so the niggers were pickin em up and lightin em and throwin em back.

The Good News on Iraq

Deep, deep inside 10 Downing Street…

PM: I’m sick to death of all the negativity around Iraq. It’s all bad, bad, bad. Never. Do we read any of the good news. I mean. We’ve got rid of an awful dictator. We made him put his weapons of destruction so far out of reach it was like they never existed.

Drone1: What are you saying, Tony?

PM: I’m saying that it’s time we put across the good news from Iraq. Let’s take the initiative for once. No more reacting to bad news defensively.

African King

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sightseeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.

However, she remembers that her boss told her not to reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.

English Hospitality

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences – no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

The Economic Stimulus Bill

This week The Chancellor of Exchequer will allow each one of us to get a tax rebate. If we spend that money at Tesco, most of the money will go to China , if we spend it on petrol it will all go to the Arabs, if we spend it on new computers all the money will go to India for tech support and none will help the British economy.

The way I see it, we need to keep that money here in United Kingdom, so the only way I can see to keep that money here at home is drink beer or spend it on prostitution, those are the only businesses still in the U.K.

Do You See a Trend Here?

My mailbox is being flooded with mail concerning gas prices and illegal immigrants. To boycott oil companies or not; to provide amnesty to illegal immigrants or not, etc.

I have come up with a solution:

I have hired illegal immigrants to push my car. They’re plentiful and cheaper than buying gas.

God Bless America!!

Anglo Drinkers

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverages, three flies flew up and one landed in each pint, getting stuck in the thick head.

French Deer

Ted Nugent, a heavy metal guitar legend and devoted (bow) hunter and outdoorsman, was being interviewed by a French journalist.

Role Reversal

Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for women to walk ten feet behind their husbands. After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives.

Stupid Wives

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.