Bad Stomach Complaint

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

Red Ears

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.

“I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidently picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”

Cross-Eyed Bull

Bubba has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.

The vet says, “I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls’ eyes will straighten out.”

Therapy for Self-Esteem

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”

“What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired.

Dirty Pictures

This guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc I have a problem. I think of sex all the time.”

No Milk

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

Billions of Babies

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife goes into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor is called out to assist in the delivery.

Breast Enlargement the Easy Way

A flat-chested young lady went to a popular surgeon known for “no scars” about enlarging her breasts.

Economics of Sleep

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”

“Have you tried counting sheep?”

“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

Child or Husband?

Did you hear about the man who called the doctor and said excitedly, “My pregnant wife’s contractions are only two minutes apart!”

The doctor asked, “Is this her first child?”

“No, you idiot! ” exclaimed the man. “This is her husband.”