The Rookie

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

Prostitute Granny

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn’t want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Death By …

Four friends are sentenced to death and are given four options to choose from. An electric chair, a firing squad, hanging and injection with HIV virus.

Rank Has Its Priviledges

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.

Carrier Humor

A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his carrier one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.

“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.

Excuses for Being Late

The General on a spot inspection found that 10 marines were missing and have not returned from their weekly furlough. Finally, one marine ran up, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran ten miles, and now I’m here.”

Old Army Bragging

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”

Expecting Wife

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. “You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.”

“Oh …” said the officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

Hilarious Military Instructions

“Aim towards the enemy.” -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.” -US Marine Corps

Dirty Magazines

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to police the area.